Are you out there?

Are you out there?

The one who makes my heart sing…

Who makes my pulse quicken, my body warm, my knees weak?

A man who isn’t looking for just a pretty face, and thin body and a hot date.

The kind of date that ends after one night.

Who wants someone with intellect, a thirst for knowledge, and a kind heart.

Are you out there?

The one who loves the outdoors…

Who exercises and takes care of himself,

Who loves hiking & camping & kayaking.

Who loves New England winter, spring & fall.

Are you out there?

The one who knows what is happening to the earth…

Who reuses and recycles, gardens & raises chickens,

And who dislikes anything with motors as much as I do –

Motorcycles, motor boats, snowmobiles, ATVs, airplanes, and cars.

One who loves to travel, but will stay local to be kind to the earth.

Are you out there?

The one who likes me for who I am…

Who admires my out-of-the-box thinking and my volunteerism.

Who accepts my moodiness and occasionally outburst.

Who doesn’t find fault in my house that needs some work

And who is ok that I might need him as much as I want him.

Are you out there?

I’m here, waiting, looking, wanting and needing you.

I’m here, with enough passion to make your knees go weak,

And to make your heart sing.

I’m here, with honesty and compassion,

Ready to dance with you off into the sunset. 

Dating during the Long Descent

Well, I haven't posted in a while. I go through cycles of being really into the whole EnergyBulletin world, and then phases of drifting away for awhile. It can be a bit overwhelming.

For a while I was reading about the flooding in Pakistan, because I've been so unaware of current events that I missed it while it was happening. I only learned about it from a reference to it in an EnergyBulletin article. And that was all so incredibly depressing - I mean a 5th of the country under water, and it all caused by a combination of climate change and a 100 years of Pakistan trying to tame nature with a huge country-wide irrigation system. It was so clear to me that this is what it will look like when the lowland countries in Far-East Asia flood when the sea levels rise when the ice caps melt. The numbers of people affected will be so overwhelming that here in the US we won't be able to comprehend it or imagine how to help.

After reading about the flooding, happening RIGHT NOW, I was unable to get back into reading EnergyBulletin, about things that will happen in the future. It just seemed out of touch with reality, somehow. And reading EnergyBulletin is how I stay connected to my visions of re-skilling for Ecotopia. So I've been "away" from thinking about all this.

While I've been "away", I've been focused on another area of my life that needs work. I'm single and alone. I was married for 15 years, separated for 6, and we've been officially divorced for 7 months. I'm ready to start dating. I made a meager attempt this summer, signing onto an online dating site. But I got discouraged and dropped off. I did meet another peak-oil aware single guy in a nearby town, but he wasn't for me. So a couple weeks ago, I decided to try again. This time, I signed up for more than one site. I've been reading up on different sites, how to write a good online profile, tips on getting back into dating after divorce, etc. The thing that is most tripping me up, though, is the topic of this blog. While I know there are a few people out there who would admire me for my goals and visions for a re-skilling for Ecotopia type teaching facility, the majority of men out there will think I've lost my marbles.

The truth is, I want to start dating, but I really want to find someone with similar values to mine. Someone who knows about peak oil, who believes these crisis-es are coming, who believes like I do that we need to prepare if we want to survive it. Someone who will admire my work on the food coop. And someone who might want to join me on my journey of not just preparing for the future, but being instrumental in helping others prepare for the future as well. I know its a tall order, but that's my ideal.

What I realized today is that I know what I want. I have goals and visions and plans for the future. I don't have all the steps laid out, like how to make the leap from where I live now to where I want to be living, but I know where I want to get to. This is huge, in the sense of post-divorce recovery. I'm not where I was five years ago, lost and depressed, not knowing what I was going to do for work or how I was going to support myself. And while I may not want to trumpet from the mountaintops in my online profile what my plans and goals are, I can at least have confidence in myself that I know what they are. My ideas and values may be a little outside the box (why should I bother mowing the lawn and spewing more carbon emissions in the air - not a very popular point of view in the neighborhood :) ). But they are all mine, and they are unique. And that's something I can be proud of.