Are you out there?

Are you out there?

The one who makes my heart sing…

Who makes my pulse quicken, my body warm, my knees weak?

A man who isn’t looking for just a pretty face, and thin body and a hot date.

The kind of date that ends after one night.

Who wants someone with intellect, a thirst for knowledge, and a kind heart.

Are you out there?

The one who loves the outdoors…

Who exercises and takes care of himself,

Who loves hiking & camping & kayaking.

Who loves New England winter, spring & fall.

Are you out there?

The one who knows what is happening to the earth…

Who reuses and recycles, gardens & raises chickens,

And who dislikes anything with motors as much as I do –

Motorcycles, motor boats, snowmobiles, ATVs, airplanes, and cars.

One who loves to travel, but will stay local to be kind to the earth.

Are you out there?

The one who likes me for who I am…

Who admires my out-of-the-box thinking and my volunteerism.

Who accepts my moodiness and occasionally outburst.

Who doesn’t find fault in my house that needs some work

And who is ok that I might need him as much as I want him.

Are you out there?

I’m here, waiting, looking, wanting and needing you.

I’m here, with enough passion to make your knees go weak,

And to make your heart sing.

I’m here, with honesty and compassion,

Ready to dance with you off into the sunset. 

Dating during the Long Descent

Well, I haven't posted in a while. I go through cycles of being really into the whole EnergyBulletin world, and then phases of drifting away for awhile. It can be a bit overwhelming.

For a while I was reading about the flooding in Pakistan, because I've been so unaware of current events that I missed it while it was happening. I only learned about it from a reference to it in an EnergyBulletin article. And that was all so incredibly depressing - I mean a 5th of the country under water, and it all caused by a combination of climate change and a 100 years of Pakistan trying to tame nature with a huge country-wide irrigation system. It was so clear to me that this is what it will look like when the lowland countries in Far-East Asia flood when the sea levels rise when the ice caps melt. The numbers of people affected will be so overwhelming that here in the US we won't be able to comprehend it or imagine how to help.

After reading about the flooding, happening RIGHT NOW, I was unable to get back into reading EnergyBulletin, about things that will happen in the future. It just seemed out of touch with reality, somehow. And reading EnergyBulletin is how I stay connected to my visions of re-skilling for Ecotopia. So I've been "away" from thinking about all this.

While I've been "away", I've been focused on another area of my life that needs work. I'm single and alone. I was married for 15 years, separated for 6, and we've been officially divorced for 7 months. I'm ready to start dating. I made a meager attempt this summer, signing onto an online dating site. But I got discouraged and dropped off. I did meet another peak-oil aware single guy in a nearby town, but he wasn't for me. So a couple weeks ago, I decided to try again. This time, I signed up for more than one site. I've been reading up on different sites, how to write a good online profile, tips on getting back into dating after divorce, etc. The thing that is most tripping me up, though, is the topic of this blog. While I know there are a few people out there who would admire me for my goals and visions for a re-skilling for Ecotopia type teaching facility, the majority of men out there will think I've lost my marbles.

The truth is, I want to start dating, but I really want to find someone with similar values to mine. Someone who knows about peak oil, who believes these crisis-es are coming, who believes like I do that we need to prepare if we want to survive it. Someone who will admire my work on the food coop. And someone who might want to join me on my journey of not just preparing for the future, but being instrumental in helping others prepare for the future as well. I know its a tall order, but that's my ideal.

What I realized today is that I know what I want. I have goals and visions and plans for the future. I don't have all the steps laid out, like how to make the leap from where I live now to where I want to be living, but I know where I want to get to. This is huge, in the sense of post-divorce recovery. I'm not where I was five years ago, lost and depressed, not knowing what I was going to do for work or how I was going to support myself. And while I may not want to trumpet from the mountaintops in my online profile what my plans and goals are, I can at least have confidence in myself that I know what they are. My ideas and values may be a little outside the box (why should I bother mowing the lawn and spewing more carbon emissions in the air - not a very popular point of view in the neighborhood :) ). But they are all mine, and they are unique. And that's something I can be proud of.

am I prepared?

I've been reading a lot of fiction lately. The following four books I've read over the last few weeks, the first two I read last weekend:

Last Light, by Alex Scarrow  (here is the amazon link if you want to read about it http://www.amazon.com/Last-Light-Alex-Scarrow/dp/0752893270).  This is about a fast crash that occurs because some group blows up a couple mosques in Saudi Arabia, which causes wide spread war in the Middle East, plus bombs other key refinery points across the oil industry.  Set in London, with not just crash impact but also a mysterious-bad-guys thread.

Last Light, by Terri Blackstock (http://www.amazon.com/Last-Light-Restoration-Terri-Blackstock/dp/0310257670)

This is about a fast crash that occurs because of a EMP-like event - all electronics & electricity is down, in a suburban community where there is a killler on the loose.  This is the first in a four book series.  

One Second After by William Forstchen (http://www.onesecondafter.com/)

This is about a fast crash that occurs because of an EMP set over the US.  set in a small college town in North Carolina, not far from a few big cities. 

Crossing the Blue, by Holly Jean Buck (http://www.amazon.com/Crossing-Blue-Holly-Jean-Buck/dp/0615241719).  A post petrol, post american road trip.  about a cross country road trip in post-crash, post-climate-change-flooded America which takes the hero & heroin through many different examples of post-scenario possiblities. 

Suffice it to say that reading these has definitely gotten me back to where I was when I first learned about Peak Oil.   I'm incredibly aware of how vulnerable we are, especially to food & water supply issues.  I'm reminded of something I read a long time ago on Energy Bulletin.  I'll have to paraphrase, since I don't remember the exact quote, or who said it.  If and when the crash occurs, many people will be caught unawares, even those of us who are aware of Peak Oil and the coming crises. 

As I said before, when I first learned about Peak Oil, I did a lot to prepare. And I stocked up on food, and got to know my local food sources.  But my food stocks have gotten back down to nothing.   I have heat (I ordered my cordwood, should come this weekend) and shelter, but the freezer is empty, my chickens are gone, and my garden is non-existent.  So I'm back to being completely unprepared for something happening.  I might be prepared emotionally, but that isn't going to put food in my stomach.  

I think that along the way, I've spent so much time dreaming about the ideal place for me to land - a farm or ecovillage, that I've forgotten that I'm going to be where I am now for some time to come.  And I've figured out that while I work full time to afford where I live, I have very little energy left over to raise my own food.  I know some people do, and I'm definitely on the lazy side, but I have to be honest with myself about what I can and cannot accomplish.  And if I'm going to stay sane, I can't expect too much of myself. 

So what I figured out over the last few weeks of reading this fiction, is that I have to come up with another way to have enough food on hand if something happens.  And I need to incorporate that food in my daily diet, so that it doesn't go bad.  Most of what I stocked up with in 2005 went bad because it was stuff that I would only eat if I had nothing else on hand.  So I need to plan better while I am stocking up, mark expiration dates so that I eat things before they expire.  And only buy what I will eat and have recipes to cook with.  This will be slightly easier this year, since I'll have fewer children to cook for and cater to. 

This will also help me save money and lower my carbon footprint.  Over the winter, I usually buy fresh vegetables every week from the grocery store that have traveled thousands of miles.   If I start buying fewer fresh vegetables from the grocery store when they are out of season and not local, and buy canned goods instead, I'll be learning better to eat in season.  I can even attempt to simulate what it would be like if I had time to can local produce for the winter, by buying canned foods that I know I would can or freeze - beans, corn, tomatoes, etc.   I know this may sounds simple or obvious, but it will be a big change for me.  I never eat canned vegetables - those were always what we ate, and only ever ate, when we went camping or sailing.

I used to think my only option was growing all my own food, and if I couldn't do that, then why bother at all.  But this way, I'll focus on local food and/or canned, and I'll be able to continue to support the local economy as well as start building up a larder that will make me feel more secure.  I may renew my purchases of survival gear as well - lanterns, propane for fuel, candles, etc.  I used to do that as well, and stopped after a couple years of nothing drastic happening.  

And I need to remember that I was well prepared when the ice storm in Dec '08 took out our electricity and communications for days.  I had a wood stove & cordwood, a cook stove & propane, lots of candles and a couple battery powered lanterns.  I also had airbeds for our guests who came so stay with us because they had no heat.  The one thing that I didn't have, and should probably be on my list of the first next thing to buy, is a generator.  They are expensive, yes, but if I'm going to stock up on anything frozen, I'll need a generator to keep those things frozen.  Otherwise its a waste of money to spend any money on anything frozen.  And a crank-operated radio, so we can get news without electricity.

OIC

I think I see now why I've been thinking about getting back to the many local efforts I was doing a few years ago. I've been following John Michael Greer's "Green Wizardry" course, and he has been blogging about compost and gardening as a key part of the Green Wizardry training. 


Another thing that I started back then, and have kept up with, is my worm bin. I bought it the same day I bought the rabbit.  The rabbit is gone, and I'm on my second pound of worms, but they made it through the winter and are doing fine.  My first pound died, mostly because I stopped paying attention to them, and stopped feeding them, and they ran out of reasons to go on.  That was last year.  This year, I opened up the worm bin to "harvest" some worm castings ( I was told this was key to keeping your worms going), and discovered I had a lot of worms in there.  I had been looking but couldn't see them because the light bulb burned out in the garage!  But they are thriving and doing well on weekly food scraps, and every so often adding some more newspaper strips (I hadn't been doing that the first time around either).  I also went to a Vermiculture class at NOFA, and learned a lot about them there. 


Someone even mentioned that if things get really bad, she had a whole book of recipes for cooking with worms....ich!

Wax and Wane

When I first heard about Peak Oil, I did a lot of things those first few years to prepare for the coming crisis.  I 


- bought a wood stove fireplace insert & cords of wood (and got good at stove stoking)
- started a garden (and got to know the three kinds of slugs in my yard)
- raised layer hens from chicks for eggs (and a few broilers by mistake!) 
- started buying local milk from a dairy many miles away
- figured how to get my favorite type of bread from the local bakery (order ahead!)
- built a couple different chicken tractors for my chickens
- started raising an angora rabbit for the wool
- volunteered at the local Heifer Project International farm (learning about raising livestock)
- joined a local spinners guild and bought a portable spinning wheel
- banished the TV from the living room to areas in the house I don't go to
- attended a Peak Oil Community Solutions conference
- started riding my bike and getting in shape
- bought a moped to drive to work (my commute was 6 miles)
- joined a vegetable CSA and a meat CSA

I'm sure I'll think of more, but that's a good start of the list of things I was doing in the early days to be prepared.  And I felt prepared.  But I had a definite advantage those first few years: I was working part time.  So I had time for all these things. 

And then I started working on the coop, and soon after started working full time with a long commute.  The chickens started eating each other, the rabbit kept getting matted because I wasn't grooming her, the milk place was too far, and I couldn't make it to the bakery before it closed because I was working so far away.  The vegetable CSA was far away, and far too many vegetables for me and my daughters.  The meat CSA - I kept missing the pickup even though it was on my way home from work, and the meat turned out to be a lot of cuts that I didn't want or didn't know how to cook.  I could go on, but you get the idea.  This stuff isn't easy.  And it is so easy to be pulled back into the industrial system, because the grocery stores are easy to get to , open all hours, have everything you need, etc. 


The one thing that I have continued to do is the wood stove.  Which reminds me, I need to order my cordwood for the winter.  I always worry that they'll have run out by the time I call.  I do love the fire, building it, watching it, feeling the heat.  Lugging wood is a pain, especially in the snow, but its good exercise.  And I feel stronger after doing it all winter.  And I do a darn good job stacking it in the fall - I get comments on it!  


And the other thing, of course, is the food co-op I started.  It's an online way for people to order from local farmers, with a volunteer distribution service to pickup sites once a month.  The co-op is also why I didn't even try to plant a garden this year, and why I've hesitated buying chicks again.  Between working full time and the co-op, I'm so busy and so stressed, that choosing not to plant the garden this year was a choice to have a little less stress in my life.  That's how I felt when I gave away the last hen after she had killed and eaten her buddies.  And relieved to find that same person would love to take the rabbit as well. 


But as I've been reading a lot of fiction lately, about post peak oil scenarios, its got me thinking about how unprepared I am, and how much less vulnerable I felt when I had the chickens and the rabbit, and the CSA shares, and the garden.  I feel like my level of preparedness waxed and now has waned, and its time to get back on the waxing side of that cycle.  Sure the local food co-op is good, good for the community.  But it is only one piece of my personal preparation, and I'm going to feel a lot better if I get back to some of those other things I was doing to prepare for the coming crisis. 

What Do I Believe?

Someone got me thinking this weekend - what do I believe will happen?  How can I stay so positive when things seem so dire?  And I guess the answer is.... I believe we will have a long slow descent, like some people in the peak oil community believe (The Long Descent by John Michael Greer and The Long Emergency by James Howard Kunstler).    I think there will be crisis and then recovery and then crash and then recovery.  As Heinberg says in End of Suburbia, recession after recession.  

I think it is possible that we might have a complete, full on crash into mayhem, but I really hope we don't.  And I think it is less likely.  I think the government will continue, at all costs, to keep the economy going.   It's harder to prepare and stay prepared for a sudden emergency, both physically having enough supplies on hand and emotionally expecting it every minute of every day.  Expecting doom every day is a really tough way to live.  It's hard to be cheerful. 

I think Relocalization and Transition Towns are great ideas, but I don't seem to have the charisma to get anyone in my town to join me, and I got tired of trying.  

So I have opted to work towards preparing for the long descent, re-skilling myself and others if anyone wants to learn, so that eventually I and whoever wants to join me will be self-sufficient.  I also work daily on the Mass Local Food Coop, working towards supporting local farmers, and encouraging more and more people to eat locally, and support the local economy so there will be one if something does happen.  And along the way, I may just buy a few extra cans of soup & tuna every week during my weekly shopping trip! :)

Not Too Hard

So I cooked a real dinner last night, and it wasn't too hard.  Once I gave up on the hope of having dinner on the table by 6pm, I just started when I got home at 5:50, and when it was done, we ate.  

I made tuna noodle casserole, since I have lots of cans of tuna from a BJs purchase. I checked online the day before for recipes - never searched online for recipes before - a great resource for any of us newbies.  I specifically looked for recipes that used Cream of Mushroom soup, because I have a lot of that as well.  I used to make baked chicken with cream of mushroom soup, but the kids tired of it - and I stopped buying chicken from the grocery store - and I ended up with more cream of mushroom soup than I knew what to do with.

Once I had planned to make it, arriving home and discovering no children to cook for didn't stop me.  I just plowed ahead and made it, a quick recipe and then popped it in the oven.  And low & behold, hungry children arrived home just when it was coming out of the oven.  How about that!

Another thing about cooking.  It takes practice and trying different recipes. That one was a little too cheesy - I was using a couple different recipes together.  Next time a little less cheese.

Tonight I'm going to try vegetable stir fry - I have lots of vegetables from the mass local food pickup & farmers market last Friday, and I'm going away this weekend to the NOFA summer conference, so I need to use them up.  Wish me luck!